Black Adder:The Foretelling
Series: 1 Episode: 1
First broadcast on 15 June 1983. Featuring Peter Cook as King Richard III.
Edmund, the mostly forgotten son of Richard Duke of York, oversleeps and arrives late for the Battle of Bosworth.
He's supposed to be fighting on side of the Plantaganets, but due to sheer incompetence and a rather rash reaction to Richard III taking his horse, he chops off the near-victorious King's head. Then he saves the life of Henry Tudor, leader of the opposing army.
Now his father is King and he is Duke of Edinburgh, Edmund wants to be taken more seriously. Having toyed with the idea of calling himself The Black Vegetable, he settles for Baldrick's suggestion, the name The Black Adder.
A legend is born.
Black Adder:Born To Be King
Series: 1 Episode: 2
First broadcast on 22 June 1983. Featuring Robert Carlyle as Dougal McAngus.
To celebrate the King's imminent return from the crusades, Harry instructs Blackadder to organise an evening of traditional entertainment.
The supreme commander of the King's army, Lord Dougal McAngus, arrives home early and is awarded Blackadder's Scottish lands as a reward for his bravery in battle.
Enraged, Blackadder hatches a plot for McAngus to be stabbed on stage during the entertainment.
However, he changes his mind about the assassination when McAngus offers him documents showing that Harry is illegitimate.
Inconveniently, the letters actually prove that the Queen's adultery took place nine months before Blackadder's birth, not Harry's. Blackadder destroys the evidence and, cunningly, blows McAngus' head off.
Black Adder:The Archbishop
Series: 1 Episode: 3
First broadcast on 29 June 1983.
The King has murdered three successive Archbishops of Canterbury so Blackadder is understandably terrified when he is the next appointment.
Determined not to be the next prelate to be brutally slain in a freak accident, he brilliantly persuades a rich nobleman to donate all his lands to the King and not the Church. However, the King accidentally orders Blackadder's murder anyway.
Blackadder narrowly escapes and is stripped of the title of Archbishop when all three popes realise that he is not suitable priest material.
Black Adder:The Queen of Spain's Beard
Series: 1 Episode: 4
First broadcast on 6 July 1983. Featuring Miriam Margolyes as the Spanish Infanta and Jim Broadbent as her interpreter, Don Speekingleesh.
It is a time of wars and political upheaval, and the King decides to make an alliance between England and Spain by marrying Blackadder to the Spanish Infanta.
Blackadder is keen to end his appalling run of luck with women, until he meets the Infanta: a short, plump, sexually voracious lady with a facial hair problem.
His schemes to thwart the marriage all fail, until news comes of a new alliance between France and Switzerland. Politics now demand a match with the Hungarian princess - a charming girl. The only problem is that she's eight years old.
Black Adder:Witchsmeller Pursuivant
Series: 1 Episode: 5
First broadcast on 13 July 1983. Featuring Frank Finlay as the Witchsmeller.
It is a time of plague and omens in the kingdom.
In this atmosphere of paranoia, the Witchsmeller Pursuivant is called to court, to sniff out the chief witch and bring an end to the country's bad luck.
Inconveniently, the Witchsmeller decides that Edmund is the Chief Witch, and that Percy and Baldrick have something a bit witchy about them, too. But just as the boys are about to burned at the stake, the Witchsmeller spontaneously combusts - as if by magic.
It seems that, when Edmund's mother said she 'hasn't had any power for years', she may have been exaggerating.
Black Adder:The Black Seal
Series: 1 Episode: 6
First broadcast on 20 July 1983. Featuring Rik Mayall as Mad Gerald (credited as 'Himself').
Blackadder decides that he can wait no longer to seize his destiny.
He sets out to recruit the six most evil men in the Kingdom - The Black Seal - to help him take control of the country.
His plans are thwarted by the arrival of his oldest enemy: the Hawk. This implacable foe throws Edmund into a dungeon and goes off to take over the kingdom himself.
Edmund escapes and summons the Black Seal, but they betray him and help the Hawk to imprison Edmund in a hideous torture device.
Percy and Baldrick kill the villains with poisoned wine, but unfortunately they manage to murder the entire royal family - Edmund included - with the same batch. Whoops.
Black Adder:Bells
Series: 2 Episode: 1
First broadcast on 9 January 1986.
Blackadder finds his new manservant, Bob, curiously pleasant company. So much so, that he almost kisses him.
Afraid for his position at court, Blackadder searches for a "cure", until Bob conveniently reveals that she is in fact a girl called Kate.
Their wedding is spectacularly ruined by the appearance of Lord Flashheart: not only the best man but also the best sword, the best shot, the best sailor and the best kisser in the kingdom.
In keeping with the cross-dressing courtship, Kate and Flashhart exchange clothes and elope together, leaving Blackadder with the enticing prospect of marrying Baldrick the bridesmaid.
Black Adder:Head
Series: 2 Episode: 2
First broadcast on 16 January 1986.
The Queen appoints Blackadder as the new Lord High Executioner - a job in which no-one survives more than a week.
Blackadder starts badly by executing a chap called Farrow two days early, so as to give him and the rest of the team half the week off.
The problem is that the widow (sorry, wife) wants to see her husband one last time, and then the Queen annoyingly decides to pardon Farrow altogether. Fortunately, Baldrick has executed the wrong bloke, so disaster is averted. Or is it?
Black Adder:Potato
Series: 2 Episode: 3
First broadcast on 23 January 1986. Featuring Simon Jones as Sir Walter Raleigh and Tom Baker as Captain Redbeard Rum.
Sir Walter Raleigh is home from his epic voyage to the new world, with tales of adventure and discovery that greatly impress the Queen. Everyone in the kingdom is celebrating.
Everyone, that is, except Blackadder and Mrs Miggins from the pie shop (who is excused because she's paralysed from the nose downwards).
Goaded on by Sir Walter, and with the Queen promising to marry him if he succeeds, Blackadder vows to sail around the Cape of Good Hope, a journey so dangerous that it spells almost certain death.
Things start badly when it becomes clear that Redbeard Rum, their captain, is so barking mad that he can't even find France. After two years, and much consumption of Baldrick's urine, they return home in triumph only to discover that the Queen has completely gone off sailors.
Black Adder:Money
Series: 2 Episode: 4
First broadcast on 5 February 1986.
Blackadder owes £1000 to the Bank of the Black Monks of St. Herod (motto: "Banking with a smile and a stab"). If he doesn't repay it by evensong, the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells will brutally murder him with the aid of a poker.
The boys try various money-making schemes, including putting Baldrick on the game. Sadly, all their efforts are in vain and by the end of the day Blackadder is still broke and facing certain death.
At the eleventh hour, he hatches a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. He hires the finest portrait painter in England, Mr Leonardo Acropolis, to paint the Bishop in a hideously compromising position - with Percy.
The blackmail is a huge success, although Percy seems less than thrilled with the whole thing.
Word to the Closing Song
Take heed the moral of this tale,
Be not a borrower or lender,
And if your finances do fail,
Make sure your banker's not a bender.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
He trusted in the Church,
Blackadder, Blackadder,
It left him in the lurch.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
His life was almost done.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
Who gives a toss? No-one!
Black Adder:Beer
Series: 2 Episode: 5
First broadcast on 13 February 1986. Featuring Miriam Margolyes as Lady Whiteadder and Hugh Laurie as one of the revellers.
During an argument about who is best at holding their liquor, Blackadder challenges Melchett to a rowdy drinking competition at his house.
Unfortunately, on the very same night, his aunt and uncle Lord and Lady Whiteadder have invited themselves over for dinner to discuss his much-needed inheritance. This may not have been so bad had they not been the two most fanatical puritans in England.
With two parties running simultaneously, there is always the possibility of extreme disaster, especially as the Queen is there in disguise.
Blackadder gets hideously sozzled and manages to insult everyone. His aunt vows that he will never get his inheritance, but that's irrelevant as the Queen wants to execute him anyway.
Luckily, the magic power of beer makes them all friends again. And Blackadder gets to sing the song about the goblin.
Black Adder:Chains
Series: 2 Episode: 6
First broadcast on 20 February 1986. Featuring Hugh Laurie as Prince Ludwig.
When Blackadder and Melchett are kidnapped by the evil Prince Ludwig, the Queen is given an impossible choice. She can only pay the ransom on one of them, but which one?
She decides to spend the money on a big party instead.
The boys buy their freedom by giving Ludwig some vital information that will enable him to assassinate the Queen. They tell him that Nursie always goes as a cow at the Queen's fancy dress parties.
They then manage to escape, rush home to find the party in full swing. Queenie is dressed as Henry VIII, Baldrick is a pencil case and there is one person in an elaborate cow costume. Blackadder kills them on sight.
(How did Blackadder know it was Ludwig in the cow costume, and not Nursie? As he explains, "Ludwig was a master of disguise, whereas Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with an udder fixation. All I had to do was kill the one that looked like the cow.")
All ends happily until, after the end credits, it is revealed that Ludwig came back, killed the whole court and has now taken over the country disguised as the Queen.
Black Adder:Dish and Dishonesty
Series: 3 Episode: 1
First broadcast on 17 September 1987.
To stop Parliament from voting away all George's money, Blackadder hatches a fiendish plan. Baldrick is elected to Parliament but is too stupid to vote for the Prince.
In a desperate last throw of the dice, Baldrick is sent to the House of Lords and Blackadder is left with nothing but a catskin windcheater and a broken turnip.
Black Adder:Ink and Incapability
Series: 3 Episode: 2
First broadcast on 24 September 1987. Featuring Robbie Coltrane as Dr Johnson.
Prince George decides he needs to shake off his reputation as England's greatest thicky, so he agrees to patronise Dr Johnson's new dictionary.
Unfortunately, Baldrick doesn't recognise the infinite value of the manuscript, which took the finest mind in England 10 years to complete, and he throws it on the fire.
Dr Johnson and his poet friends are on the point of killing Blackadder for losing the dictionary when George miraculously appears with it in his hands.
As it turns out, Baldrick burnt Blackadder's own manuscript, a novel which would have made him a millionaire.
Black Adder:Nob and Nobility
Series: 3 Episode: 3
First broadcast on 1 October 1987. Featuring Tim McInnerny as Le Comte de Frou Frou, Nigel Planer as Lord Smedley and Chris Barrie as a French revolutionary.
It seems that everyone in Britain is mad with admiration for the Scarlet Pimpernel, who has been bravely rescuing French aristocrats from the clutches of evil revolutionaries.
The scornful Blackadder accepts a bet from the foppish lords Smedley and Topper that he can rescue an aristo himself. Of course, actually going to France would be insanely dangerous, so Blackadder simply picks up a French toff at Mrs Miggins' coffee shop.
Tragically, when Blackadder turns up at the French Embassy with Le Comte de Frou Frou he discovers that it has been taken over by revolutionaries.
They are saved by Lord Smedley, who turns out to be the Scarlet Pimpernel's right hand man. The Pimpernel himself is Lord Topper - who was disguised as Frou Frou all along.
